Mon, Nov 09, 2015 - 10:12 PMNeuman
Alfred and the Amazing Propaganda Machine
Alfred always had dreams of building things on a grand scale. Some of us may remember when Alfred told a friend about his dreams, “When I was a kid, not too many years ago, Legos were my favorite toy. I used to build a bunch of things like imaginary gas pipelines and casinos that were guaranteed to never lose revenue. I also liked to build cars and trains, but I could never get them to move properly. There was always a problem with the square legos and making round wheels out of them that would roll. I could never figure that out. I just assumed if I started building them, I could somehow get them to work. Same thing with the pipelines and casinos, I just thought once they were built, they would always, like forever, make money.”
One thing Alfred never imagined building was a machine capable of ignoring all truth. The thing is, some of the greatest things that were ever built were never imagined, they just happened as a result of dreams which were pursued, but may never have come to fruition.
The benefactor who was responsible for Alfred’s coronation as commissioner had only one request. The terms were simple. Alfred was put into office to build a new prison, and failure was not an option. Use whatever means necessary to get it built.
Dim Monymony, better known as The Big Cheese was very good at that one thing, propagation of his message, regardless of how extraordinary looney that message was. Many of these question have been asked before, but not many have been properly answered. How far was Dim capable of going to propagate his message? Was he actually in a position to “buy” those who can help disseminate the message? Was he capable of buying those torchbearers of truth who have fought to bring truth to light, armed with little more than their pen and paper? How many of those torchbearers have been tempted? And how little or how much is the threshold by which truth can be silenced? Twenty dollars for lunch, or a job with a promise of benefits? Conscience is a pesky, nagging thing, to be sure. When these tempters and those who have been tempted sit in their chosen house of worship, do they hear the message of right and wrong? Do they understand the value of a clear conscience? Will any of the tempted return to the light of truth?
Alfred told Dim that he wanted to put the new Lego prison where the county fairgrounds are. He said, “the county residents can visit their relatives at the Lego Hall of the Mountain King Justice and Rehabilitation Center and then stop at the county fair for some mouth watering cotton candy and freshly squeezed lemonade.” Dim thought for a second that he may have made a giant mistake in choosing Alfred for the job, but he just said to Alfred, “whatever it takes, Alfred, just get it done.”
Alfred chose Dom Crabapple as the architect for the new Lego prison. Dom told Dim at their first meeting, “I am a serious lego architect. If you want to know how to build lego prisons without sewage, ask me. If you want to know how to build state of the art lego prisons that generate income through excess cell rentals, ask me. If you want to know how give the public three loaded options to choose from when telling them in my most sincere monotone that they do indeed need a brand spanking new, ask me.”
Dim was sold. At a subsequent public meeting in Bullwinkle Township, to sell the new prison to the public, Dom Crabapple told the public, “the total projected cost of the jail does include a sewage treatment center. Yes... Yes... there is a cost of developing Lego Hall of the Mountain King Justice and Rehabilitation Center a sewer and that is a part of these costs. I didn't say it during the presentation, but the cost that I showed you are total costs. They include contingency, they include offsite utility development... all of the elements... it's not just brick and mortar costs. Those are anticipated to be total project costs.”
At this point, you may be asking, what does all this have to do with Alfred’s amazing propaganda machine? Alfred knew his prison would be a hard sell to the public. He needed a way to get public support. Not that Alfred cared about the public, he just understood that he didn’t need the public to get in the way of his plans. By this time, public support was waning as some details about the prison had come to light, such as the enormous cost, the sewage issues, the zoning issues, the intentional lack of maintenance at the existing prison in order to make it seem more urgent of a need for a new prison, and the failed choices of where to put the prison. The list goes on and on.
Dim Monymony gave Alfred his contacts at the local paper. He told Alfred who to call when something needed to be sold to the public, or kept from the public. Alfred already had some knowledge of who he could rely on at the local newspaper. His lies to the public concerning the Behavior Health contract that the Connellsville Highlands Hospital had, and how he said it would be more beneficial if the Uniontown Hospital would handle that contract, were handled with deft expertise by his contacts at the local rag. In spite of the fact that an entire new wing was built at the Uniontown Hospital in anticipation of stealing the Behavior Health contract from Highlands Hospital. That wings extended services had to be cut back after Alfred’s failed effort to supply the Uniontown Hospital with the promised contract. Did I mention that Alfred’s wife was an administrator at the Uniontown Hospital with dealing in behavior health? Yes, folks, Highlands Hospital may have been forced to close it doors with the losing of that contract. Was that a concern of Alfred’s? Was that a concern of the local rag? Nope, the truth was buried, never to see the light of day in the local rag. Alfred knew he had it all sewn up. Dim’s assurance that he could rely on a couple of hacks at the local rag, and his own dealings with the hacks, is how Alfred had learned that he had indisputably discovered the “Amazing Propaganda Machine.” You put in the spin, and the truth, even the truth that the public has witnessed firsthand, is automatically negated.
An easy to understand example of this phenomena occurred at the illegal emergency county commissioner land purchase meeting when Slim Dillinger jumped up and shouted that he was going to stick his finger in a resident’s nose and again when the DA, Henny Jackal, was stomping around repeatedly calling the lady commissioner, “bullcaca.” No siree, not one word in the local rag, yet scores of people heard those words. The same reporter, Fatty Frogger, who covered those meetings claimed to have heard a resident at a recent commissioners meeting call Alfred, a jackass. No one else heard the resident say that. Nope, not one person, but like the old saying goes, if it’s in the paper, it must be true. Such is the workings of Alfred’s Amazing Propaganda Machine.
Consider that example of Fatty Frogger claiming the resident called Alfred a jackass. Then, consider how quickly the local rags video showed up to accompany the story in an apparent failed attempt to lend it some credibility. Finally, consider that even the videos the local rag records don’t show up anywhere to be seen for well after the time that they might be of some use to the county citizens, or six weeks later, depending on when it is determined that they will have the least impact. Again, such is the workings of Alfred’s Amazing Propaganda Machine.
Further consider how many violations of the PA Sunshine Act, specifically, but not limited to, part 65 Pa.C.S.A. § 707. Exceptions to open meetings, Section (b) Conference. “Deliberation of agency business may not occur at a conference (not open to the public),” have occurred under the direction of Alfred. Only one mention in the local rag when they could not defend it otherwise.
How about that previously mentioned public information meeting about the proposed new Lego Hall of the Mountain King Justice and Rehabilitation Center meeting in Bullwinkle Township where Dom Crabapple made his now famous speech about how all cost for sewage were part of the stated cost. We learned a couple of weeks later that it was not so. Do you remember reading anything in the local rag to the contrary? Amazing how truth can be made to dissipate into nothingness right in thin air.
More vaporized truth; the proposed purchase of our own 58 acres of undeveloped land from the Hay Pen Eco-Devo Tax Devoid Council for a mere 1.25 million dollars of yours and my money with nary a whisper of the question, “is it okay if we rob you before we screw you,” and where Alfred was heard saying, “I told you fellows, this would be a simple as stealing candy from a baby,” and where the now famous congratulatory toast was given by Dom Crabapple, “may the sewage rise up to meet the building, may the water always flow downhill, may the sun shine warm through the glass facade that I always insist upon, and the rain wash the stench from the wasted human life inside.” Also, let’s not forget Vincent’s toast, “I drink to your health when I’m with you, I drink to your health when I’m alone, I drink to your health so often, I’m starting to worry about my own! Here’s to being single, drinking doubles, and seeing triple!” And last but not least, Slim’s, “may the roof above the Lego Justice Center never fall in, and those gathered beneath it never break out.” Not one word about that from the Amazing Propaganda Machine.
The Amazing Propaganda Machine swallowed hole the Department of Environment Protection Act 537 plan when sewage is to flow from one township into another that was never agreed on, and then Sledgehammer building the foundation of his new office in the Business Park without bothering to get a building permit and without even getting a sewage permit at all. He didn’t even bother to do soil erosion measures until half way through the project. No, mam, not one word of that passed through to the other side of the Amazing Propaganda Machine.
Consider the flooding of the property on Iowa Street that was considered to be use by Alfred to house female inmates. As we learned, the building had flooded a half a dozen times since the 100 year flood in June of 1972. “The obstructionists” flooded a commissioner’s meeting with stacks of newspaper clippings and photographs showing the flood waters had risen over two feet above the door sill which proved that “leaves clogging the sewer” was not the reason for the sand bags still laying around in the building’s back yard. How convenient it was for the county property record to state that the office was built in 1975? But, then, some smart aleck found the local rag's account of the flood of 1972, with pictures of the office deluged with water.
Those pictures and stories were originally in the local rag. Yet, again, not one word from that rag.
What better situation could exist to desperately further even halted plans when your narcissism and pockets demands attention than a willing, complacent and complicit local media? No sirree, not one question, that’s what Alfred and Dim like about the staff at the local rag. For example, at the Friday, September 26, 2014, reconvened prison board meeting, the county prison warden, Brian Lion, was asked to comment on staff's complaints that staff must walk through human waste two to three hours daily at the county lock up due to faulty plumbing in the old jail breaking on a daily basis. "It don't. If it backs up on a daily basis, I'm unaware of it," the warden said Friday at the public meeting. Why then did the Sunday, September 28, 2014, local rag contain the following photo caption, "Warden Brian Lion looks over the aging sewage pipe system of the Fayette County Prison. Sewage backups are a constant occurrence, says Lion, as inmates stuff bedding and other items down the cell block toilets.”
Why, truth stands no chance with Alfred’s Amazing Propaganda Machine.
Who from the local rag questioned Warden Lion when he stated that inmates could dig out of the prison using only a spoon? Who questioned Lion about why the hanging video camera cable in reach of an inmate was not installed properly to begin with? Who from the the local rag questioned the photographer from the rag who gave the inmate the idea in the first place to yank on the cable for a photo opportunity? Who from the rag questioned Warden Lion about his knowing that the water at the prison was going to be shut off in order to install new a new clothes washer, thus angering inmates who stuffed bedding in their toilets causing a sewage backup and therefore providing quite a nice photo op with the local rag staff who made themselves available at a moments notice. Who questioned the rag staffer how he was able to post the edited video online within a day, while the rag readers have had to wait more than a month to view the new prison ad-hoc meetings and regular commissioner meetings? Who from the rag asked why that would be the case, and was it intentional to keep the readers in the dark about the lies being told by the officials at the meetings concerning the reasons for the new prison construction and the cost, to give the officials time to push their efforts through? Who from the rag questioned the county building and grounds manager who stated that no requests for sewage repairs have been submitted. Who from the rag asked to see all maintenance records at the prison for the last few years in order to determine whether or not the lack of maintenance at the prison has been intentional in order to justify building a new one? Who from the rag questioned why video cameras were conveniently not working when an inmate from the prison hung himself. Who from the rag asked if that was not part of an intentional lack of maintenance. Who from the rag asked Warden Lion if he was ever told by anyone on a county or state level to abandon maintenance at the prison? Who from the rag questioned Alfred on his inflated out of county prisoner housing costs and how they totally ignore the in county prisoner housing costs which completely reduces the out of county costs to minus zero? Who from the rag questioned Fatty Frogger as to why she filed a right to know request for a video in an attempt to make it look like a journalistic coup instead of what really happened, which was that Alfred called Fatty Frogger to let her know that the video existed even though Alfred would have gladly handed it over to her without a right to know request.
Vincent clearly made the claim several times, even during public meetings, that he was told who would be building the new Lego Hall of the Mountain King Justice and Rehabilitation Center. This was before the project was put out to bid, and before the illegal ad with a forged controller’s name on it was published in a trade magazine. The process, as described by Vincent, is called “bid rigging.” The Anti Trust Division of the Pennsylvania Attorney General’s office isn’t too fond of those public servants who engage in such illegal activity. Predictably, Vincent’s claims were never mentioned in the local rag, even though star reporter, Fatty Frogger, attended those meetings.
Amazing, truth in, thin air out!
Consider the disappearance of the stories about the county hiring process completely ignoring the candidate’s qualifications as evidenced by the hire of a new tax assessor, the added irrelevant CDL requirement for the county airport manager in order to accommodate an associate’s hire, and the hiring of a chief clerk with no financial background. Consider no story revealing how the county hiring process was ignored by Alfred in his hiring of a new assistant, Shallow Gallow.
Not a word from the Amazing Propaganda Machine!
Truth has a way of lingering. All the finely tuned mechanisms involved in the workings of Alfred’s Amazing Propaganda Machine and, nevertheless, the truth has made it’s way through.
The fact remains, the one and only reason for his four year adventure as a county commissioner was to build, at any cost, a new prison. Fours years later, no prison has been built by Alfred. Alfred’s time in office, even with the support of the Big Cheese, even with the support of clergy, even with the support of his Amazing Propaganda Machine, can be summed up in only two words, miserable failure!
If there is a moral to this story, perhaps it is to would be to not mess with the truth. It will prevail. The Amazing Propaganda Machine has a built in self destruct mode. It is set on the only setting that it has, the dial will not move from the “Truth” setting. Anyone care to guess when it will implode?
And, so, dear readers, Stay tuned for our next episode. As always, please patronize our serial's sponsors, Randy Hearst’s Yellow Journalism Review and The National Examiner News Manufacturers Association.
Mon, Nov 09, 2015 - 10:44 PMmarybeth
woooo whooo Neuman...YOU'VE outdone yourself! THANK YOU...you sure put the blame where it fits the best, the local rag and fatty frogger. GOOD JOB
Unique IP Code: a9c04c85efc23f4
Mon, Nov 09, 2015 - 10:47 PMCoffee Drinker
I see sunyak is at it again.
Mon, Nov 09, 2015 - 10:51 PMmb
Nope...too good for Sunyack....too good. Plus, he wouldn't have "gotten" the subtleties of Thur mtg that well. NOPE..THIS ain't Paul. Someone I spoke to today
Mon, Nov 09, 2015 - 11:04 PMLol
Oh, then it must be your psychiatrist!!!
Tue, Nov 10, 2015 - 07:02 AMBarry
This is not a site for writing a book! I have no desire to read all this crap, and won't! Just the length of your post is enough to discourage reading it.
Tue, Nov 10, 2015 - 08:30 AMor maybe you
Tue, Nov 10, 2015 - 09:57 AMkaj
Neuman is an acquired taste. I thought the same thing at one point. But I learned to appreciate the satire.
Tue, Nov 10, 2015 - 10:55 AMOh?
Short attention span, Barry?
Wed, Jan 10, 2018 - 8:33 PMJohnnie
Please return neuman... we need your knowledge now more than ever
Thu, Jan 11, 2018 - 07:21 AMBernie
Then don't read it. Buy the H-S it is short, thin and has no news.
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